it's been a while! did i say that last time... anyways, i've been keeping busy, in the best sense! been doing 3d modeling for work and for fun, learning math which i actually really enjoy for the first time in my life (and which helped me at work too so i understand code better), drawing, writing, got a used cd-player that i can finally play my gifted cds with, reading... i feel like everything is so interesting and i can't get enough!! it's like i learned the fun of learning again, but this time i'm not making arbitrary rules for what i can or want to learn.

this time i'm just thinking i want to experience and learn everything i can, and prove to myself that i can. it's fun! it's so much fun i wish i could tell everyone that tricking, or not even tricking yourself but giving yourself enough grace to let yourself discover fun through some effort is so worth it. i don't want to call it hard work cause where the hell is the fun in that. if hard work means spending a little more time on something, then why not call it curiousity instead. i feel like it's much easier to get yourself to form new habits if you view them as an adventure or a curiousity to be followed, and giving yourself enough patience when something doesn't click immediately. sleep over it, try again. i've solved a lot of problems like that lately, strategic giving up and coming back to something, and wow would you look at that it solved itself almost automatically. and if not, try again later. done is better than perfect anyways!

this is the state all my new fixations have left my workspace at home...

i got a little crazy with purchases lately, but it's for a good reason (i tell myself). i got the aforementioned cd-player, and also a new sd and sd card reader to get some games in japanese on my 3ds for learning. i got cute little telescope pens and small notepads for taking memos ANYWHERE!! i'm a sucker for taking memos about anything, i love the whole process of it, the smooth ballpoint oil ink (fuck gel ink i hate gel pens and their monotone lines and water soluble solution, you can't even highlight text!!), crinkly paper and the visual image you form of it, it really helps with recalling information. btw what direction do you look when you actively try to recall a memory? i always look up while doing it, it's like i'm trying to reach into my thoughts lol. right and i got a bunch of cuuuuute chewing gum tins, one of which i emptied and lined with a miniscule telescope pen and thin, crinkly memo paper and ibuprofen (my newfound savior), what joy!!

my green treasures, magic jewelry, pens and tins!

i have so many thoughts i want to go more deeply into but i'll keep this post light. i wiped my pc completely and switched my os to linux mint mate and i LOVE IT!! learning to use the terminal is so satisfying, every time i use a new term or command i google and write it down... also cleaned my old mechanical keyboard which was a goddamn process and now some of the keys are hanging on for dear life (i didn't get the hooks back on the larger keys...), but damn are they shiny. oh god i have to talk about handora at some point too, i have a whole paper full of notes i took while playing... please just know that I LOVE EITO.....

not eito but my friend's ichiro accompanied us to a cafe

i just finished reading a book for a book club run by our local library, and i'm challenging myself to actually go attend it... with strangers! ME?? sure i'll be a bit nervous but i really want to start conversations with people, i really really want to just have hearty discussions with people about topics i'm interested in, and i'm taking a bet this is a good environment for getting that. wish me luck!!

me and my other friend's first ever halloween pumpkin carvings, mine's on the right. then later on it became winter overnight!

oh, and i highly recommend leaving guestbook messages for just about anything, it doesn't even have to be about what i post, but about what you did recently or thought, or if you have media recommendations or anything similar. i'd love to get in touch with more people in similar interest circles. i wish i could write letters but without an address hah.

i will leave you with what i'm currently working on! my first higher, but not quite high poly model. hopefully i can show finished projects after the new year starts rolling in~

my mind was blown by how you can mirror blender onto the ipad screen and just straight up draw the textures on the model... insane, it feels like CHEATING... also she can now flip you off